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Success With Houseplants

by Notta Comet

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1.
The colonial authorities Had accepted the election of a basket of fruit To the seat of highest power "Cause they knew that it would rot with them And show the tiny seed Of the burnt out lightbulb Of the system that they had thought They worked so hard to build. You hack, you false god, Abandoned us here upon this barren clod, Your moribund church Left us in the lurch To fend for Ourselves. At the town hall meeting, The visitors rose and cheered As they got into the car that had come to pick them up and they drove beneath the sheet That sat atop the buildings All across the country And was its only map. Don't Say Anything, You might Be Wrong. You hack, you false god, Abandoned us here upon this barren clod, Your moribund church Left us in the lurch To fend for Ourselves.
2.
Varg Vikernes was a terrible man, But that shouldn't stop him from doin' what he can To sprout wings and take his place out over the ocean, Tormenting our sailors by changing their stars and then Falling victim to technological change beyond his control Even men like Varg someday grow old. I wanted to write you a song About Halifax or Calgary But I've never been to either one, But I've got my laptop in front of me So I called up Google Street View, Clicked and dragged for a couple of blocks But there were so many things I couldn't see through And all the doors were locked But I gathered enough info, Made myself a couple of spreadsheets About some things that you might be into And all the people I didn't meet. You have three lines left for a great punchline. You have one line left for a great punchline. Feeling unprickly, For lack of bone sickly, Who's to blame? Who's to blame? Dirty deeds done in my sleep Oh lord please Give me a name. Give me a name.
3.
Subways 02:35
They said it was a question of Commuter trust And that my economic dignity Was empty vacant lust I said I didn't mean to do it there, Said it sorta just slipped out, But if they paid me a little bit more, I could give them a normal morning route. They told me I was senseless That I didn't know how to bargain They called it sexual harassment, I don't need that jargon. Remember the day I told you you would be in a world of pain Are you prepared to grease your axles With my brain. So I took my case to the people And asked them to appraise What I have that all men have Without the promise of a raise. I told them all the arguments, I showed them all the proof The scholarly opinion was That I had been uncouth. How does it feel to exploit a robot's labor While you get paid The city has declared this the place where orange meets blue Well I have declared it's where I meet you
4.
Facism 04:09
Please don't mind the blood I know I look rough Alas, I was but thirteen When my body rejected my spleen And then I expunged my lungs The neighborhood kids played with them what fun My skin hangs from my neck Like a flesh-tone soggy cape Suffered so long with this pox Children, at me, threw rocks. And then, after supping on ipecac And with one ultimate hack My entrails were once more contained No one will torment me again The man in the apartment had a picture of himself With the inscription, "Beloved by troubled women, Cut down by Soviet guns in his prime" and He looked at it often in the morning While reflecting on the fact that his life so far had left him With precious few traditions he could call upon for guidance In the event of the inevitable cold nights alone in the countryside That his father, the colonel, had spoken so highly of.
5.
Wino Threat 03:06
It's not just Czech hops at stake here, Soon we will run even out of Colt 45. The better part of the things they saw That proved they had to move Were water like their problem was On december the fourth at noon, The glaciers roared and melted fast And flooded the homes of the poor While the rich packed up and move themselves To the man-made lakes at Sea World. It's not just Czech hops at stake here, Soon we will run even out of Colt 45, And drinking gasoline will be our only escape. With the power out and the others dead They filled their cups with chlorine And talked about the better times Falling asleep watching Maury, They talked about the truth and love That lay hidden from their lives Their bank accounts, those dead amounts Lay dormant by God's design.
6.
Flower Song 01:43
Oh look, It's noon again And the picked plaster peelings From my prone prying Have finally encased the pillow, I think I should get up and piss. I once had a flower And it was awful nice to look at, yeah But if anyone had tried to take that flower away from me Well probly I woulda let them, yeah. Oh look, it's seven And the stirrings of sickly straining From my supine system have finally subsided, I think I could stay here forever. There are some things in life that're just a bit bigger than we are Like the traffic snarl outside of Exit 8A Or the reason the tax code never changes the way that you want it to But what'd you expect would happen. Anything you want, You got it. Anything you need, You got it. Anything at all, You got it. Baby.
7.
Come on mom, you don't have to tuck me into that snowbank (snowbank) I'm old enough to handle my own duvet (duvet) And you still haven't seen the tattoos that cover my thighs (thighs) I don't want to ruin your day (day) This is what I fear That I'll give up the ghost When civilization's near Yeah I ate my dogs, And you would have too But history won't judge you. Sometimes, when I was younger My parents would take me to the Williams-Sonoma in the Freehold Mall And I would get a cup of hot apple cider and a piece of toffee And I would point at the sign and I would say we had the same name And I would try to understand the salad spinners, with all its chrome, and rubberized grips, and my parents would take me home. I made this decision by myself, dad. (dad) Jackie treats me well he doesn't beat me like the other guys. (guys) I make better money than I did at the office (office) You don't know me, I do what I want. (want) This is what I fear That I'll give up the ghost When civilization's near Yeah I ate my dogs, And you would have too But history won't judge you. Sometimes I catch myself wondering What happens to the homeless cats in the wintertime, If the luckier ones sit on their sunbeams and radiators And judge them for their bad decisions Or if they want to form a civic council to provide Insulated cardboard boxes and catnip toy exchange programs Or if they just howl and howl howl and howl, howl and howl, howl and howl, howl and howl, howl and howl, howl and howl, howl and howl and howl.
8.
Don't upset Don't upset my god Get on up Get on out Ain't got right Ain't got right oh lord. He will come, His will be done.

credits

released December 5, 2014

Eli Kaufman - Drums
Crawford Smith - Bass, Vocals
Alex - Guitar, Vocals

All songs mixed and recorded by Alex,
with additional recording by Patrick McDowell.
Mastered by Dimitri Condax.
Special thanks to Mike Brody for use of his studio in Jersey.

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Notta Comet Montréal, Québec

we play bike rock
we play scientist rock
we play with rocks

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